One of the things I’ve come to learn in a deep way along this journey called life is that people are not generally selfish. Now, while that might conjure up images of politicians, religious folk, your neighbors and your family members, and you are already to dismiss this article, please hear me out for a few moments.
Think first about your own self: if someone is in need, but you are too, do you first help the other person or yourself? What if it’s your boss and they have a tight deadline? What if it’s a family member asking you to do something? Do you feel guilty for any of those if you say no? If not guilty, which I’m prone to not let guilt get to me, then do you take action, think about it, feel bad, or at the very least, want to respond? If you’re like most people I talk to, the case is yes.
And even moreso, I tend to speak with a lot of people who are far more willing to put others first to the point of their own health, well-being, emotional state, and lifestyle are compromised to some degree.
I know I’m still giving a pretty large benefit to a vast majority of people. So continue to hear me out again.
Now think of a few rules that we’ve heard:
When you’re in an airplane, how many times have you heard this one:
“Please put your own oxygen mask on first.”
They practically have to beg us to do this. Why? Because they know that instinctively, deep down inside of most humans, we would be quicker to save someone else before ourselves.
If it weren’t true, they wouldn’t have to say it every time you’re on a plane.
How about this one:
“Love your neighbor as yourself.”
And similarly:
“You can only give what you’ve received.”
It’s not selfish to receive love in order to learn to pour out love into yourself because it will only turn into pouring out that same love into others.
Conversely, if you’re “pouring out” neglect and judgment on yourself, that’s ultimately what you’re going to give to others even if that’s not your heart or intention. What you give out, ultimately comes from a place of whatever you’re giving to yourself.
We’re not talking selfish narcissistic love, we’re talking Grace-filled, hopeful, I’ve been saved and loved in my worst places so I’m going to honor and love myself kind of love.
If God deems me worthy of His love at my darkest places, then I can’t call Him a liar by not agreeing to honor that.
I like to call this kind of love: Nourishment.
Nourishment entails fueling, filling up, receiving good things so that you are fueled up to give and live in the way you were made.
One of the greatest problems I believe actually starts with our own self-worth.
- Do you believe you’re worthy of love?
- And can you give that love to yourself?
If not, it’s time to ask a few questions:
- Why don’t I believe I’m worthy of love?
- Can I start to let the roots of unworthiness begin to heal?
- What DO I currently believe?
- And what do I need to believe in order to begin loving myself?
- Can I start to let the light in and begin to treasure myself?
Chances are, you are letting yourself be loved in one way or another though.
Even if it is hard, you’re not fully neglecting yourself.
And THAT is worth pausing and celebrating for a second.
Take a minute to write out some of the ways you do honor and respect yourself.
Maybe it’s taking a nice, long bath. Or maybe it’s taking some time to connect with close friends. Or perhaps time in the garden, a creative project, a book, or even playing your favorite music that fuels you up.
How does it feel when you give yourself permission to do those things?
What would it be like if you did this in each area of your life?
Now, conversely, can you see one area where you might neglect yourself (maybe even for a good cause like putting someone first). How can you adjust that same situation, area of your life, or thought process, to be a more loving act towards yourself?
Why is this so key when it comes to our health?
Well, to start, our nervous system, our mental and emotional health, and our bodies are designed to flourish when given the right environment.
When there is a sense of peace and well-being, the body can not only heal itself, but also thrive.
This tends to be the number one thing I see over and over:
We don’t tend to think in terms of “nourishing ourselves”.
For example, when you think of nourishment what do you think of?
Usually food. Right?
Let’s examine what it actually means to nourish ourselves with food.
It does NOT mean beating ourselves up over what we had that we know was “bad”—even categorizing food as good and bad ends up creating a stressful environment inside of our bodies.
What if you started by loving yourself, then putting on those lenses and looking at food as a source of nourishment, health, and energy that will give you strength to do the things in life you’re designed to do.
It’s a different lens, right? It’s not about good food or bad food. It’s about what food is actually nourishing to your body.
Fruits & veggies contain living, thriving, nutrients, micro and macro nutrients that are so vast that scientists still have not discovered the incredible nourishment inside of them. Makes you want to go grab an apple, right? Let me give my body some love.
How would your intake of food change if you started asking yourself, is this nourishing my body?
Will it help me heal, have energy, and ultimately thrive?
Here’s the thing: it’s not just about the food.
If we become consistent in valuing ourselves in each area bit by bit, other areas become easier and easier. They “pull each other along for the ride” so to speak.
What about these areas?
- What about words and thoughts?
- Stress levels and our lifestyles
- Self-care
- Joy and laughter
- Movement & getting our bodies healthy
- Learning and renewing our minds
- Relationships: family & friends
If you’ve gotten this far, you’ve likely thought of the areas you’re doing pretty good at, and areas you could grow in.
Here’s an easy step in moving forward:
- Take one area you’re really nourishing & loving yourself in. Picture how that feels. Celebrate that.
- Now choose ONE area that you’d like to grow in. Picture yourself as successful in the area you just listed above. How does it feel? What do you look like? What does your life look like when this area is no longer a struggle? What other areas might be affected?
- Got that picture AND that feeling?
- Now, what’s ONE step you can take towards nourishing yourself in that area?
- Write that down and take that step this week.
Let me know how it goes!
Cheering you on,
– Kirsten
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Kirsten Larsen is a wholeness coach, helping people experience freedom and breakthrough in body, soul, and spirit.
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